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2.10.2010

Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned From James Bond


Behold! An original idea created by yours truly while "Casino Royale." Some of it you can take seriously, some you can't. You pick which is which.


James Bond taught me:



  1. Never read the owners manual, no matter how complex the device.

  2. Never give up fighting evil madmen, not even after briefly dying of a rare poison.

  3. Always be cautious of midget henchmen that work for oddly named men.

  4. There's no such thing as a metrosexual, just a gentlemen that knows how to look good.

  5. Never take good looking women too seriously. Or ugly ones for that matter (e.g. Susan Boyle).

  6. Confidence is something everyone should have, as it can get you most anything.

  7. Never care what anyone thinks of you.

  8. When life gets tough, dress like an oriental person and marry some random Asian you don't really know.

  9. Gadgets don't make the man, the man makes the gadgets.

  10. Never trust a woman with a sexual innuendo as a name.

  11. One of the best forms of stress relief is beating down evil henchmen.

  12. It's good to have a favorite drink but don't be afraid to try something different now and then.

  13. When involved in a gunfight be careful of people with Golden Guns. They'll kill you with one shot.

  14. High Performance cars are a very important part of life.

  15. Play by your own rules.

  16. Harass the tech guy at work. Remember, even if you can't see it, he's laughing on the inside.

  17. When you're not pretty enough or you don't fit someone's stereotype, show them you're gritty enough and rip some new ones.

  18. Don't mess with Asians with bowler hats.

  19. It's okay to gamble, but always have a backup plan.

  20. Always have something witty to say, even when you're about to be cut in half by a laser.

  21. You never know when an ejector seat may come in handy.

  22. Numbers are a better way to identify yourself then your name.

  23. When in doubt, blow it up.

  24. Robbing Fort Knox is a bad idea.

  25. Single women aren't usually all that much fun.

  26. When given a choice, always go with the Aston Martin.

  27. Speaking the same language as the woman you love isn't important.

  28. Never run when walking will do.

  29. Being bitten by someone with braces hurts.

  30. It's always a good idea to make sure you're an Olympic Skier. You never know when it might come in handy.

  31. Acting like you know what you're doing can get you pretty far.

  32. Oh yeah, and never....EVER... half ass anything.

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